This Floating Poo Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.
Looking back, we reflect on the television offerings of the past year, a selection of series stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular failures. Ranging from cringe-inducing spin-offs to confusingly bad docuseries, here are the productions that had us scratching our heads or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful scripts, cringe-inducing arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series struggled to find its footing. For a moment, as the third season began, it looked like it had at last hit its stride. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the showrunner announced this would be the last series. It concluded on a bum note; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?
All’s Fair
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare zero star review, it was hard to know where to start enumerating the flaws. The laughably leaden writing? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and materialism? The seemingly wilful procession of cliches? Performances so poor they felt almost malicious? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and forget about this series again. Except, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.
AKA Charlie Sheen
Given the restraining orders, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us anything we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any sympathy this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but dismissive egotist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure love for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call admitting defeat.
The Gangster Drama
Dodgy characters convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
In truth, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to indulge baffling dialects. But there were many other issues. Mainly that it was just really dull; a dispute over drug-selling territory between various cockney picaresques which felt a bit basic.
With Love, Meghan
Considering the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue come to life; a poster for evening drinks with delusions of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All supported by vast, mostly undeserved wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this documentary series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was akin to reading a sales catalogue. She obviously has every right to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
The Game Show
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a glamorous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s even now too confusing to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The show ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something far greater than it.
The Lena Dunham Romcom
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very slick and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of celebrity friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping
Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.
Given the smart recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it didn’t land. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a husk but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too willing to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Knox Dramatisation
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Complex? Arguably. A complete mess? Absolutely.
Prime Target
We love the lead actor … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – academics honestly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the online personality renowned for sexual exploits as she prepared for her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more examination of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the legendary mum who showed up to haul her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and zero critical analysis of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a young daughter too.
